who i am

i am a collection of thoughts attempting to form a coherent shape.

"happiness is not a reward-it is a consequence. suffering is not a punishment-it is a result. - robert g. ingersoll

this section serves no real purpose, but convention dictates that such things exist.

i am lucienne. i analyze. i deconstruct. i exist on the periphery.

expect nothing here to be consistent.

observations

• i spend more time thinking about the nature of meaning than actually engaging with it.
• most human behaviors are predetermined by biological and cultural programming.
• the idea of a ‘self’ is a persistent but necessary illusion.
• control is an illusion, but the alternative is worse.
• there is no true rebellion—only deviations that will eventually be assimilated.

hobbies & interests

i consume media with the intent of dissection rather than enjoyment.

• video games: cod, val, ow2, twd, lis, silent hill 2, half-life, the talos principle, deus eux, detroit become human, pathologic, dark souls series, and anything with emergent mechanics or a rich storyline.
• film: horror, sci-fi, psychological thrillers, etc. the ones that linger. the ones that disturb.
• books: history, philosophy, science, mathematics, and existential thought. world war ii holds a particular fascination.
• music: melancholic sounds resonate the most.
• physical activities: shooting/marksmanship, walking at night, climbing, archery, swimming (only in isolation). efficient movement appeals to me.
• programming: python, c.

dislikes

• large crowds and sensory overload.
• authority figures dictating the terms of my existence.
• bright environments—too much light reveals too much.
• the inevitability of cultural assimilation.

philosophy

everything is a construct.

• identity: a narrative imposed on an organism.
• happiness: a biochemical reaction misinterpreted as purpose.
• morality: a fluctuating system of enforced norms.
• freedom: a paradox. escape one structure, enter another.

conclusion

there is no conclusion.